This journal has proven to be an extremely useful publication and I'm glad you have given your premise impeccable credibility. Initially funded by DARPA, it is now subsidized by various foundations which in turn are funded by some of the wealthiest and most generous corporations and individuals in the world.

There are many worthy research projects, and this journal publishes the results of the most worthy if only they had been carried out. Obviously, this saves an enormous amount of money by eliminating the cost of the study itself. The outcomes cannot be disputed as there is no original data upon which to base objections, and therefore the journal has unmatched credibility.

It has a reputation of making available information which would be hidden from public awareness otherwise. Much of what is known about global warming comes from this journal. With incredible access to top secret "eyes only" information, it's researchers have published exquisitely detailed plans for mobile plants for manufacturing anthrax, sarin and other WMDs which were buried in the desert by Saddam. And there is much, much more.

In its' Richard M. Nixon Library, the Journal has available to selected researchers and media the results of thousands of studies which have not been necessary to actually perform. And it has gone to extraordinary lengths to deflect accusations of unusual secrecy for a Journal. It has opened several folders for such widely circulated media as Rush Limbaugh and Fox News. In fact, when approached the Journal has only asked them what they wanted to know and it has produced research project outcomes which supports that with amazing rapidity.

You are to be complimented upon using this tool to try to explain at least part of Robert's inexplicable problem. I think Robert ought to try to reboot it, charge the battery or simply throw it out. Or maybe burn it, thereby continuing to advance Gutenberg's agenda even further.

Yr. ob't servant,

Bowser