I can see it now--the "Schoolmarm", available in Blued or Nickel finish. It fits nicely in a purse--or in a desk drawer, right next to the grade book, and chambered in a variety of calibers as either a revolver or a semi-auto.

For gentlemen, there will be the "Professor", available in small bore only. And for those who prefer not to be identified with faggot elitists and artsy-fartsy intellectuals, how about the "Coach .45", a big gun for a big man. Long gun fan? Try out the "ROTC" model. Bookworms and Librarians? We can sell them "The Scholar", a weapon with true Pomp and Circumstance. And I can't wait to see the prom dress and tuxedo fitted out with matching concealable holsters and ammo pouches.

And of course, the NRA could get involved in training, lots of buck$ there, plus opportunity for that most civic-minded and patriotic of industry lobbies to really get entrenched in the administration and licensing aspect of this new American institution.

The graph tells it all. America is the outlier, way out there, all by itself. The fact we are even considering this lunatic idea tells us how desperate and perverse 2nd Amendment America has become. That the President has seriously proposed this is truly astonishing. Truly, we are the laughingstock of the world.

But why stop at arming teachers? Lets carry this out to its logical conclusion: lets arm the students! Give every kid a gun, no one would dare attack a school where EVERYBODY was packing heat. If the kid's family can't afford a piece, set up a program where taxpayer-subsidized guns would be distributed to minority kids. What better way to teach them responsibility and self-reliance, not to mention it would solve the bully problem overnight.

This is what happens when we let people who marry their cousins vote.