You've revealed the incoherence of our approach to protecting the environment: We have met the enemy, and they are us. How exactly do you prosecute a crime somebody commits against themselves? It doesn't help that the hypothetical perpetrator/victim is schizophrenic, and half of him hates how he's treating himself.

Maybe, though, the answer comes from recent initiatives to grant legal personhood to lakes and streams, giving some standing to people who want to step up as guardians of these persons who can't defend themselves.

What would happen if the Earth, in the form of its notional avatar "Gaia", were to be granted legal personhood? Seems like it flips things so that the burden of proof would be on polluters to defend why they're not obviously committing assault on a helpless person. It'd enlist every DA and public prosecutor in the world as a protector of the environment.

Just a thought. In a rational world...