The old Brit racers used to call automatics 'for one-legged drivers'. Both my current Nissans have five on the floor, a 2003 Sentra and a 2010 Versa. I always order the smallest engine available for whatever vehicle I own, not just for economy, but for performance. In tight quarters and scary situations I can get maximum handling from my engine without having to rely on an extravagance of cylinder displacement. Its a snobbish nod to my old road racing days, I guess. Dragstrips and oval courses were strictly for rednecks. Always proudly elitest, I know real gentlemen could double-clutch and heel-and-toe.

But you're right, old age is catching up with us. The day is fast approaching when I will no longer be able to rely on all four of my limbs, and to be honest, automatics have pretty much all the bugs worked out of them. Power steering and brakes are pretty much ubiquitous now, and I must confess I never really mastered all the intricacies of competition handling a front-wheel drive. You can't set up a fishtail or a four-wheel drift when the drive wheels are up front.

Autonomous cars my ass. This isn't about safety or convenience, its about not having to pay truck, bus and cab drivers a salary. This abomination is being brought to you by the same jackals that brought us robocalls and telephone 'bots.

Besides, how can a real man crash through a closed gate or a police roadblock if his car radar stops him automatically to avoid a collision? Sometimes, free men simply have to have the ability to override the safety devices.