Re: OMG!
Dear Sir, I appreciate your efforts and have to inform you that while you were gone someone attached my name to the petty cash fund for the folks on the top floor. The money isn't mine, it is yours for incidental expenses and I would feel terrible for taking that from you.
As you'll recall, I'm due the $700,000 as a reward for my honesty, and your bank was to deliver it to my home in the form of 35,000 used $20 bills.
I admire your honesty and look forward to a quick resolution.