Ah, yes. You raised a point, the reason I'm alive.

After being sober a number of years, abusing prescription drugs, true, but not drinking, I got drunk. A 6 day binge. At the end of the sixth day I was sitting on the edge of the bed. I'd always had an internal hassle, and the older I got the worse I got. Feeling quite sorry for myself, life was crappy. It was especially bad drunk.

I had the gun at my temple and did not even have the guts to pull the trigger. Whatever was left of my self-respect left at that moment.

So I went to a treatment facility. Actually, I called the psychiatrist I'd been seeing and he referred me to a psych unit at a local hospital. They were full. So I went to a alcohol treatment center, thinking I was crazy but knowing I was alcoholic too.

And a fellow told me that I wasn't one of the lucky ones, I was going to live, and I may as well learn how.

I know there is something back there that physics will never describe, and it's available to everyone, and it's not God in any sense of the word.

I hope when my time comes I'm able to still recognize that all pagan chants are to God, and a pagan chant in English is still a pagan chant. If I have a soul in that sense I do not want those folks to have it.