from the National Lampoon: Terrorist can't believe many in US still "don't get it"

Mustafaoui's statement came as a shock to many Americans, who have grown accustomed to branding distasteful administrative actions with the catch-phrase, "if we allow ourselves to do this, then they will have won."



"But our Constitution is the most precious thing in America," said high-school senior Jenny Wertheimer reverently. "We are nothing if not the sum of our liberties. Isn't that what they're trying to destroy?"

"Listen, you idiots," explained Mustafaoui petulantly, "Al Qaeda wants to make the streets of America run red with the blood of the non-believers. We want to kill every man, woman and child in your country. The most beautiful sound we can imagine would be the wailing moans of all 280 million of you infidel scum slowly dying of radiation sickness. That would mean we had won.

"We hate you for not loving Allah," continued Mustafaoui, "not because you have a Constitution. What part of 'I want to kill you, you Jew-loving dogs' don't you understand?"