A whole new set of Lileks stuff I hadn't read yet. It's a good day! Just one example:

I think he's dead. Truly, most sincerely dead. Some say he was only wounded, which gave rise to a bleak joke: A few days into the war, an Iraqi official gathers all the Saddam impersonators into a room.



"All right, men: I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that the boss is still alive, so you all have jobs. The bad news is that he lost a leg."

Oh, it's possible that his head is in a bowl somewhere with wires leading to a Palm Pilot, and he's dictating the conduct of the war via brain waves. But who would take orders from a head in a dish?

The scene: the sub basement of Presidential Palace No. 734, which had been previously outfitted with medical equipment so the Head of Saddam could run the war. Two aides are present; one is styling Saddam's head, the other is awaiting instructions. The latter suddenly bolts to his feet and salutes:

"Some writing is appearing on the Palm! He has a message for the generals. It says . . . redeploy the Hammurabi Republican Guards to support the Medina Division in the south. And change my water. Add some Coke this time. No lemon. It stings."

"Why do you bother?" says the other aide, trimming some stray ear hairs.

"Why? Are you mad? These are the orders of Saddam!"

"He's a head in a dish. And it's not even the good china. We lost that the first night of the bombing. This is something they used for baking brownies. You are scared of a head in a brownie dish? Why? What will it do to you?"

"Silence! He can kill us all with one scowl!"

"Oh, nonsense. Watch this. See this electrode? When I give it a yank, both his eyebrows go up, like he's surprised. When I use this other electrode, they go down. When I jerk them back and forth, they go in different directions. Watch the eyebrow dance. Who's afraid of the big bad wolf? The big bad wolf? The big bad wolf? Who's afraid -- "

"Stop that! Stop it! What if his sons come in and find us?"

"The only way his sons will come in, my friend, is if the Allies dig them up and strap them to a cruise missile. And there isn't much to disinter. From what I hear they just laid a tweezer in each coffin."



DEBKAfile has isolated a possible location for fleeing Iraqi leaders to a specifically-named hotel on the beach in Syria. Yeah, I know...probably made up. But you have to admire the sheer audacity of it if it is. And the hotel is scheduled for some interesting times now in any case.