From the Backfence:

My grill's automatic lighter broke a few years ago. I have to light the grill by sticking a lit match through a small hole. It works like this:

Turn on the gas. Go ahead, turn it all the way open. The meat will cook faster.

Turn all grill knobs to MAX.

Light match. Match goes out, because it's windy.

Light another match. Wind extinguishes match just as you get it into the hole.

Realize that you are in a Homer-Loop, doomed to repeat the same action over and over again, grunting Do'h! each time, learning nothing. Stifle your inner Homer. Stand with your back to the wind and light two matches at once. Hail Prometheus! Twice the flame power! Move twinned flame-stick towards hole.

Here is the crucial step I always forget:

Recall that the gas has been on full blast for the last 40 seconds. Turn off gas. Go get Burger King.

If you forget the previous step, you will be greeted by a FWOOMPH sound and a blinding light. If you start to move towards the light, this really isn't going well. There's no meat in heaven. They went vegan a while back. If your vision returns, and you hear the gentle sound of smoking birds pattering down on the patio around you, you're fine. Hose soot off house. Ask wife about drawing eyebrows on your face until they grow back.

I need to remember the "Homer Loop" phrase. Sounds like certain political movements I know.