from our frineds at the Onion).
Seeking to generate excitement and public support for America's struggling space program, NASA announced Friday that it will join the wildly popular NASCAR circuit.
"Despite all our efforts to stir up enthusiam, Americans still view the space program as boring and a waste of money," said NASA director of public relations Boyd Connington.
"We've tried everything from record-setting manned space orbits and discovery of lunar ice formations to photographic evidence of life on Mars. But nothing we've done has captured the publics imagination quite like the thrill of seeing Ricky Rudd fly around a track at upwards of 170 m.p.h."
The NASCARS Space Shuttle, which boasts such sponsors as Sunoco and Gold Bond Medicated Powder and is pioted by veteran driver Ernie Irvan, made it's debut at the Slick 50 300 at the Talladega Superspeedway in Talladega, AL. Despite averaging 2,300 m.p.h., the shuttle finished dead last in its inaugural race, largely due to a mid-race pitstop that took two nearly two days.
"Several ceramic heat tiles came loose on the far turn in lap 103'" said pit crew chief Ken Orton explaining the delay. "That kind of problem takes several weeks to repair, but in the world of auto racing you just don't have that kind of time."
NASA hopes to capatilize on the fan interest with a line of souviner merchandise. T-shirts, hats, collector plates, buck knives, lighters, and other misc. paraphernalia will be sold on theHome Shopping Network.
Country music superstars Brooks and Dunn have recorded "Fastest Rocket in A One Horse Town" for the upcoming NASCAR music collection, Hotter Than Exhaust Plasma III.
As a fan bonus Eddie Irvan will use the shuttles manipulator arm to throw free t-shirts, baseball caps, and coupons to fans. Popular shirts are "I'd Rather Push A Shuttle Than Drive A Chevy" and "Sputnik sucks, Mir Swallows."
"We're very excited about our future in racing," said NASA's Connington."And with our per-race budget of 8.1 billion, we should place in the top five pretty soon."
Hopefully worth a few laughs, see ya VINCE