Is 'Manned' Sex Worth the Risk?
(2003-02-02) -- Many Americans are asking whether manned sexual activity is worth the risk of accidents and illness. Congressional Republicans may introduce a bill this week mandating virtual sex and robotic reproduction.

"It would be just as fun as manned sex," said a Congressional aide, "except you wouldn't come into close contact with another biological system, so you couldn't get a rash, or get some strange illness."

Under the plan, a couple would still go through the ritual of courtship -- without any physical contact -- and wedding planning, and the couple would still take a week off from work for the honeymoon in separate states. Government-funded web sites would simulate the entire honeymoon, using web cams on user-controlled robots to show the interesting places they might have gone. A government-issued software package would include realistic animated tour guides.

"Risk is bad," said the Republican aide. "We must prevent people from getting hurt, sick or killed at all costs, even if it means eliminating the so-called American spirit of adventure and discovery. It's the federal government's job to keep everyone absolutely safe all the time."

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Cut it out, cantcha?

Regards--
Mary Anne