<The governors race:

Richard Riordan is falling behind conservative Bill Simon in what could be a stunning upset. Gov. Gray Davis, Lord of the Energy Crisis, is taking credit for this, citing his many political ads against Riordan citing the Republican as being AGAINST ABORTION! Of course, the fact that the governor of California doesn't have the political positon to do jack shit about the right to abortion was irrelevant. And if Davis's campaign was responsible for the upset, then why are voters turning to someone MORE conservative than Riordan? In any case, the Democrats are saying that Simon will be a lot easier to beat in the main election.

What I find really amusing in elections is when Democrats pipe up and say, "you know, if you pick this guy to run against us, you're sure to lose. You really need to pick this other guy if you want to beat us."

Wow, thanks for the advice! What swell bunch guys you are!

Democrats: "Hey, Republicans, how about taking a nice, long whiz on that electric fence over there? It'll do you worlds of good!"

Typical Republicans: "Wow! Gawrsh! Thanks a bunch!..............YEOWWWW!"

Propositions: every election there are a bunch of these. We get a pamphlet with minute details on them. I find I can decide quite easily by checking out who's for them, who's against them, and how much they're going to cost. Sometimes I don't even need to read the proposition.

Prop 40: the "California Clean Water, Clean Air, Safe Neighborhood Parks, and Coastal Protection Act of 2002"

Wow! How can you be against that? What are you, some mean-spirited bastard? You Bambi-hater!

California is so far into the financial hole that we're about to pop up in China, and so the first thing we need to do is PASS A BUNCH OF BOND ISSUES! Hey, it's not like it's real money! It's CREDIT!

I'm probably not supposed to notice that one of these things shows up about every other election. This one will cost the state about $4.3 billion of money we don't have before it's done.

It's always fascinating to me how a government can get away with stuff that we would never get away with in private life. If my checking account was overdrawn, and I ran around charging my credit cards to the limit, I would be rightfully derided as a blithering idiot.

Prop. 41: Voting Modernization Bond Act of 2002

For buying voting equipment that is idiot-proof enough that even a Democratic voter can use it. I visualize a huge TV screen with large, cheerful color pictures of the candidates. The screen is touch sensitive so that a voter can solidly bang his forehead on the right candidate. Special wipers will keep the screen free from drool.

Oh, this will cost us about $250 million, but who's counting?

Prop. 42: Transportation Congestion Improvement Act.

Will fix it so that gas taxes are actually used for transportation and highways. It is interesting that this is necessary, since I assumed that this was where my gas taxes were going already. Apparently not, judging by all the special interests screaming about this proposition, who have been tapping this fat source of funds for years.

I'm voting for this one.

Proposition 43: "Right to Have Vote Counted": a constitutional amendment.

This is a cute one. It leaves a loophole that would allow elections to be contested down to the quark level. If you thought Florida was bad, wait to see what happens when this passes. In Florida, Democrats realized on a national level--they've known it on many local levels for years--that no one ever really "loses" an election if you keep counting long enough and making enough assumptions about what a "vote" is.

This would make "recounts" a big favorite for cooking elections. It may overtake the current California favorite, which is having a state court overturn the results.

Prop. 44: Chiropractors. Unprofessional Conduct.

This is a political bone being thrown to somebody, although it's not clear who it is. Who cares.

Prop. 45: Legislative Term Limits.

This is yet another attempt to bore loopholes--or ratholes--in current term limits. We get one of these almost every election, too. The only thing more popular in California Propositions is some way of knocking the props out from under Proposition 13. Oddly, we don't have one of these this time.