I hope you blokes will forgive me if I fantasize aloud...

King O'Leary, in his first day on the throne, proposed sweeping reforms
to almost everything! Among his initiatives;

- Every prisoner on death row will be executed at 0800 hours, two weeks
hence. The King has declared it "Execution Day" and encouages
Americans to pause at 0800 hours on that day and smile for 5 minutes.

- American troops will be recalled from all Nato countries and UN
peackeeping operations, starting immediately. Initial estimates
indicate that the billions saved from this measure will balance the
budget in two years.

- The EPA, DOE and a dozen other major agencies will be discontinued as
of tomorrow. When asked what the thousands of bureaucrats should do about
work, the King advised, "get an honest job".

- The IRS will be pared to only 3,000 staff members as of the first of next
month. This measure was announced by Spoonin Cowpucky, the King's
press secretary, in conjunction with his official decree of a flat 8% income
tax, no excpetions, no loopholes. The new tax statements have been changed
to four lines; How much did you make? What is 8% of that amount? Sign return
here, and why did the moron tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?

- Most foreign aid will be discontinued immediately. In reply to the thousands
of outraged communiques from capitols around the world, King O'Leary replied;
"Sugar Daddy has left the building..."

- Environmentalist organizations suffered a massive brain clot when the Prez
announced the sale of 75% of public lands to the public. The eco-activists have
been officially designated an endangered species.

An addendum to the public land memo read that all citizens are invited to
participate in a national "Blast the Spotted Owl" day. Loggers are already
gasing up their trucks and oiling their shotguns.

- All major oil companies will mobilize and commence drilling in oil fields
from coast to coast, as well as the north slope of Alaska. This announcement
followed the Prez' fax to the Saudis that they could "smear vaseline on their
oil rigs and shove them up their *bleep*"

Stay tuned for more from Washinton.