Here's a sample.

"How would you feel about moving to the Seattle area?"

I already live in the Seattle area, and thus have acclimatized. My shoes are all high-top for wading, my truck has a schnorkel and my house is on stilts. My kids can swim like salmon and my dog is a Newfoundland. I've painted my house green so the moss won't show. My other car is a Zodiac. I love coffee, latte, mocha, anything.

All those things are going to be new to anyone else, and will take time from work. A lot of time from work. I'm ready right now.

I love Seattle. I have fragile, delicate skin, and like to avoid the sun. Even so I have to stay inside away from bright lights during August and September. I have serious allergies, and asthma, and need to pollen washed from the air by the rain. As it is I'm almost bedridden 4 months a year, April, May, June and July.

(I want to assure you I am in excellent health, and like to go to the gym where they have a spa.)

Moving to Seattle is no problem for me, and I love living here not just for health reasons. Wonderful microbreweries, and Washington wine is the best in the Northwest. In fact, the mellow climate makes the ales I lovingly brew as mild and strong as the best in England. My apple trees make the best brandy as well as cider and the small still cranks out a couple of gallons of the best, the clearest corn mash a week. Tell me where else in the world you can enjoy such a variety.

So, I'm your man. A Seattle man born and bred, but reared all over the world if you catch my drift.