post on a humorous note.

Mr. President,



I am pleased to report that the human shield deployment is nearly complete. As estimated in my memo of 1st January, fully one-third of the shields deployed are either our assets, or those of the CIA, MI5, or Mossad. All are experts in sabotage, improvised munitions, and assassination. The remaining two-thirds are, as Sec. Rumsfeld described, "doubly useful idiots," in that they provide valuable cover for our covert operatives.

As expected, the Iraqi government has deployed the shields to cover the targets Saddam considers the most critical to the survival of his regime. Collection of intelligence is ongoing, and is expected to continue through the outbreak of hostilities, but we have already confirmed the existence of several WMD caches either previously unknown to us, or whose locations were only roughly known. Bombing coordinates for these targets have been variously pinpointed through the use of concealed GPS devices, triangulation of cell and satellite phone calls, and in one instance, a classroom laser pointer.

In most cases our assets have been deployed as part of a larger group of shields, but the luck of the draw has created several groups containing none of our agents. Intelligence gathered from these shields is therefore more sketchy, and information other than location is gathered primarily through analysis of thier cell phone conversations. Nevertheless, we have confirmed the location of one underground bunker within Baghdad proper, as well as an al-Samoud missile factory.

Cell-phone usage has also allowed us to locate all remaining shield group positions. We have scheduled U-2 and reconnaissance satellite overflights for these areas, and have a high degree of confidence that our analysts will be able to classify them before the campaign commences. Agent O'Keefe is to be commended for the creation and implementation of the plan, and is expected to provide invaluable service once we begin to focus on the Iranian and Korean fronts.

Col. Nicholas Fury
Undersecretary of Operations
NSC