Had a "dessert auction" at the church last night to fund running the Youth Group down to Mexico to build houses. We baked cookies, but some people went all out for fascinating visual displays of sugar and fat. My son set his heart on the "Mountain of Brownies," a good three pounds of chocolate fixed up to look like the Matterhorn.

Started bidding, and some lady nearby started bidding against me. 20 dollars. 50. 75. The auctioneer was pointing back and forth, and my little numbered card went up, and so did hers. A hundred dollars. A hundred twenty. This lady was not even hesitating. I started to sweat. I visualized paying five hundred bucks for a friggin' plate of brownies. I looked at my son, and his eyes were getting wide too. "Bail, Dad." he said. And bail I did. Wimped out at $180. I don't have what it takes to do this sort of thing.

(From the lesser-known sayings of Vizzini:)

"The most famous classic blunder is 'never get involved in a land war in Asia.' Only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a woman when chocolate is on the line."