From Slate. Two hundred points for using the word "Schwarzeneggerian" in a sentence.

There's a Simpsons episode in which two aliens run for president and effortlessly ape the bromides used by American political candidates, to the delight of assembled crowds. Proclaims one: "We must move forward, not backward. Upward, not forward. And always twirling, twirling, twirling toward freedom!"

That's what retired Gen. Wesley Clark sounded like on the stump Monday at the first event in South Carolina for his incipient presidential campaign. Clark's campaign hasn't coalesced yet into a bona fide organization, structure, and message. It's more like a clever mimicry of what a generic Democratic presidential campaign would look like. At Manny's Restaurant in downtown Charleston, Clark mouths the standard litany of bedrock Democratic issues with a Schwarzeneggerian level of specificity.

It could be a pastiche of the other candidates' stump speeches. He drops a reference to Herbert Hoover, then to Vietnam. He supports small businesses. He's upset about the economy, lost jobs, the deficit, education, and national security, which he calls simply "security." (One of Clark's rhetorical tricks is to turn every issue into "security." He talks about "retirement security" and "health security." When a voter asks him about energy, he replies, "It is the nation's security.") Clark is in favor of "diversity" and "bringing people together." He's proud that America has "the greatest set of values, the greatest political system in the history of mankind." He doesn't want to "build a wall around America"; he wants "to build bridges outward to others."

His plan for education, heath care, and retirement? "We need to put the resources in." Also, it "requires vision. … We need that vision in America today." Young people, middle-aged people, and seniors, they need vision, too. "So they can take the risks and get the learning." Oh, and for the uninsured, he wants to "help them get insurance."

The more anodyne the line, the more likely it is to draw applause. "I think we need new directions. I think we need new ideas. I think America can do better, and I think we must do better," meets with loud approval. "The real strength of America is not in its weapons, it's in its people. And that's true in our military, it's true in our economy, it's true throughout this great land," draws enthusiastic cheers, too. The point at which I start to believe this is actually an elaborate and inspired parody of a presidential campaign event is when Clark picks up a baby and slowly, deliberately kisses it, once on each cheek. He's subtly mocking the cliché while simultaneously embracing it, and the crowd eats it up.

Some policy specifics do emerge, as well as some partisanship. One voter tells Clark not to let Republicans paint him as a left-winger. "This is war," Clark replies. "It's a culture war, and I'm their greatest threat. They're doing everything they can to destroy me right now." To a voter concerned about military bloat, Clark suggests that he wants to cut the Air Force budget. "I think we can do some things," he says. "They'll probably be Air Force things. I've looked at the Air Force budget. It's a little excessive."