Foul Fowl Beats The Rap Again

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- In a move that stunned many Washington insiders, president Bush pardoned the infamous Tom "The Wattle" Turkey. Much outcry was expressed by victims rights groups that the former Texas govenor, once staunch supporter of capital punishment, would pardon the twice convicted mass murderer.

Tom "The Wattle" first gained infamy when, at the age of 4 months, he trampled a clutch of 15 eggs... mitigating factors and an improperly served search warrant allowed Tom to get off on a technicality, but he was reviled by the avian community.

"He was a bad egg from the start" sobs the anonymous mother of one of the ovoid victims " He was always a loner, always lurking around, we called him "Turkey Lurkey"... then one day he barges into the hen house and stomps on Anastasias nest... We were all shell shocked! There was no reason to it!! He just flew off the handle! "

But the yolk was on them...

Justice was foiled, the arresting officers had read Tom his rights in duck, so his subsequent confession was ruled inadmissable. Released on this technicality Tom returned to his hood, often jeered at and flipped the bird... in his arrogance he stayed- only inflaming the residents.

Tom started an ardent tumultuous relationship with a local goose, (in the interest of anonymity, we will refer to the Goose as 'Lucy'). Drugs, steroids, and the sordid history of Tom led to many domestic problems. Police were called to their roost MANY times, Lucy flew the coop several times, only to return to the abusive relationship again.

"Lucy was no good... a real tramp..." said a coop mate, "but you know what they say- 'birds of a feather....'"

The final tragedy occured when Tom was told by a homeless duck that Lucy was having an affar with a next door peacock... By all accounts Tom went into a rage. Tom robbed a gun store, and armed himself heavily. Security cameras caught Tom as he left the ravaged store:

According to the police reconstruction of events, Tom then went on a drinking binge- drinking Wild Turkey by the bottle... before going to Lucy's work coop... He opened fire indiscrimanately - in the end 23 feathered bodies lay dying... ironically Lucy wasnt there- she was off on a lark....

Tom passed out as police arrested him... Tom was easily convicted this time, and spent the next 2 years fattening up on death row. Then, at the 11th hour Mr. "anti-crime" Bush pardoned the 12 pound killer.

"We felt that we were going to find closure!" cried the widow of one victim, "but now that monster is free to waddle the streets again!"

The families of the victims find no solace in the stance of animal rights goup PETA. PETA spokes man issued the following statement. "It is about time that the oppression of our avian friends is being redressed! Did you realize that for every human executed almost 10 MILLION turkeys are put to death! There is a clear bias here!"

Society now has Tom back on the streets, and we can thank our president... Talk about fowl play!