I tried for months to surrender to Saddam, but I couldn't find the old fart. Never occured to me he was hiding in the latrine hole out back! Turns out the reason they called it a "spider hole" is because of all the spiders living in his beard.

They say he was grooming his sons to take over, but to look at him after his capture it's hard to beleive he knew the first thing about grooming.

"I'm the president of Iraq and I want to negotiate???" Geez, he'd have gotten farther with "Ho ho ho!" Of course, a Santa Claws like that would probably scratch a kid's eyes out.

Seriously, though...I read in Newsweek that those scuff marks on the side of Saddam's head came courtesy of an American soldier. Apparently Saddam had second thoughts about his surrender when they were handcuffing him, and he struggled and spat at the soldiers. One of them decked Saddam. Can you imagine that? Being the US soldier who actually got to give the Butcher of Baghdad a good ol' fashioned fist upside the noggin? Must have been glorious.

In the movie Behind Enemy Lines, the main character muses about how all soldiers still want to "punch a Nazi in the face," but it never happens like that anymore. (Of course, in the movie he gets to do the next best thing by putting the smackdown on a war criminal.) But if the rumors about Saddam's capture are true, then one American soldier got to knock an honest-to-goodness mass-murdering dictator on his ass. There should be a medal for that, no?