That computer would just humiliate me, leave my mind dragging so far behind it in awe I'd probably wind up leaving offerings of food on the desk in front of it, maybe sacrificing small animals there, too. Asking it questions, and waiting for answers to show up on the screen.

You don't know the half of it. I'm convinced my cell phone is smarter than I am, and I am way behind the curve in digital cameras and video recorders. Had to buy a new washing machine last week--old Kenmore blew up after twenty hard years. Yay Sears!

I saw buttons. I saw lights. I heard electronic voices. Refrigerators with 13 inch flat panel screens! Why? Why does a fridge need a TV? I half expected one of the washing machines to point out that I had a grass stain on my knee, and wouldn't I like to toss my pants in? A sewing machine had a thing where you showed it a button, and it knew how to sew it on.

R.U.R.

That, and I was worried that somewhere along the line the Eco-Nazis had made top-loaders illegal in California. I know they've been trying.

Found a washing machine, top loading, and dials that click and ratchet comfortably when you turn them. No special Spandex cycles, no special tennis-shoe tubs. Sigh of contentment. They still make them like they used to.

And hey, you don't sound very convincing as a computer virgin when you build your own systems and are in bed with some horrible form of Linux. Better you than me.