Ramalla, West Bank -- April 25, 2004

The five largest funeral directors in the West Bank have sent bids to the Palestinian Authority for the honor (and profit) of staging the upcoming funeral of the President of the Palestinian Authority, the soon-to-be-late Yassir Arafat. Jumping the gun, based upon the Israeli withdrawal of the promise not to kill Arafat and the previous history of those that Israel has threatened to kill, these five sharp businessmen have decided to get in in the ground floor for what will surely be the largest funeral in the history of the Palestinian Authority.

The five have jointly asked for his body measurements, his choice of burial outfit, his choice of cemetary plot, and his decision on a suitable monument. In addition, estimates of the number of mouners to be accomodated, the number of limousines, the seating arrangements, and other such important matters are being made.

The five funeral directors are:
1. Abdul Rachman of Funerals R' Us
2. Mahmed Raphali of We Plant'em Deep
3. Ismail Felugi of United West Bank Funerals
4. Ibrahim Muchalah of Palestinian Departures for Paradise
5. Sulimon Qaradah of Palestinian Corpse and Garbage Disposal