"We've got out people in there", he confided to his Friday morning prayer group, "but we're not getting much information about this out."

"There have been disappearances of very sensitive nuclear information from sites near there", he told his Friday morning coffee break prayer group, "in fact Los Alamos has been shut down, but we haven't implicated these people yet. I repeat "yet", because we're sure they had their hands in it."

"This makes Beslan look like popping a zit", he said to his Friday lunch prayer group, "there are several hundred thousand people who must be hostages!"

"We'll get 'em out", he promised his Friday after-lunch prayer group, referring to the hostages, "we have to. We cannot let them get away with this on our own soil!"

Upon hearing the news from Ashcroft, President Bush ordered Donald Rumsfeld to prepare an attack upon Iran's oil fields. "I am tired of these people using oil revenues to finance terrorism such as this", he told God Friday afternoon, "and I'm going to have to protect the America the best I know how. After all, we are the birthplace of Christianity!")

At his Friday after-work-prayer meeting Ashcroft was told by a member of his staff that it is NOT "aL-Buquerque", but Albuquerque. She was promptly fired.

Arf