By Andy Borowitz
Newsweek
Updated: 3:03 p.m. ET Oct. 19, 2004Oct. 19 - President George W. Bush notched his first debate victory early Sunday morning, winning handily in a fourth presidential debate that was kept secret from his Democratic rival, Sen. John Kerry.

The debate, which was held at 2 AM Sunday morning in the basement of the White House and moderated by Fox News personality Bill O'Reilly, was a must-win affair in the eyes of the Bush campaign strategists who planned it.

"We knew that we needed to win at least one debate going into November," said Bush strategist Karl Rove. "Mission accomplished."

While aides to Kerry howled that the debate did not count since their candidate was kept totally in the dark about its time and place, Rove said, "They can spin this any way they want, but a win is a win."