New Disease Sweeps Washington

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of disease contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior. The disease is called gonorrhea lectim*. Many victims have contracted it after having been screwed for the past 4 years, in spite of having taken measures to protect themselves from this especially troublesome disease.

Cognitive sequelae of individuals infected with gonorrhea lectim include, but are not limited to: Anti-social personality disorder traits; extreme cognitive dissonance; inability to incorporate new information; pronounced xenophobia; delusions of grandeur with a distinct messianic flavor; inability to accept responsibility for actions; exceptional cowardice masked by acts of misplaced bravado; ignorance of geography and history; tendencies toward creating evangelical theocracies; uncontrolled facial smirking; chronic mangling of the English language; and a strong propensity for categorical, all-or nothing behavior.

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[* - pronounce it out loud]