WELCOME to the 10 o'clock news, where you find out all you need to know!

Two newscasters with smarmy smiles appear...

Good evening! (bright white toothy grins) I am Kent Gittitup, and this is the news at ten...
Today leading geologists announced that a major earthquake in California is imminent, leading many to speculate how such a calamity would affect the Michael Jackson trial. Here to explain the possible implications is our own court reporter and amatuer seismologist Martha Grace...

( 10 minutes of asinine speculation on how the Jackson trial might be delayed if an earthquake were to happen)

Well, that was very informative, maybe we wont find out who is at FAULT....he heh heh ha hah he he uhm... Thank you Martha for that insightful report.

Also today scientists announced that a record breaking solar flare may disable communication satellites this evening.... This may prevent viewers from watching the expose on Paula Abdul's alleged affair with a contestant on 'American Idol', BUT DONT WORRY our own 'Pete the Computer Geek' is here to tell you how to find the hottest celeb gossip on the web!

10 MINUTES ON JUICY CELEBRITY GOSSIP FOLLOWS

Hah ha ha haaaa, I never knew that bit about Afleck and the gerbil... ha ha ha.... Thanks Pete!

On to our next story, apparently Russian troops in charge of guarding the Russian nuclear stockpile are deserting in droves, speaking of desertion we have another update on the 'Runaway Bride'

10 minutes on the woman that ran away from her wedding

Ha hah haaaa, Guess that gives a new meaning to COLD FEET eh?

We now go to the local weather with Studs Manly...

Studs: Thanks Kent, looks like sunny skies for the Jackson trial, so there will be plenty of whackos to interview tomorrow, and it looks like partly cloudy skies in Georgia so the Runaway Bride's press conference may need to be held indoors. Heavy rain is predicted for Spokane Washington, so it will be hard to get a picture of the gay politician Jim West. Kent....

Kent Ummm well, Studs, what is the weather forecast for Chicago, our home town?

Studs Oh I dont know, who really cares?

Ah, right.... after these messages we will have a science expose on how a large asteroid impact could impact celebrity trials, stay tuned for 'Stars on the Rocks'!