Three Massachusetts surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed. One of them said: "I'm the best surgeon in Massachusetts. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."

One of the others said: "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident, I reattached them and 2 years later he won a gold medal in field events in the Olympics."

The third surgeon said: "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a woman who was high on cocaine and alcohol, rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's behind and the woman's mouth. Now she's likely to be the Democratic nominee for President of the United States

On election eve, 1948, Thomas Dewey (who, according to polls, was poised to defeat Harry Truman for the presidency) turned to his wife and asked: "How will it be to sleep with the President of the United States?" "A high honor," she replied, "and quite frankly, darling, I'm looking forward to it." On the following morning, news arrived of the election results: Incredibly, Truman had won! (Polls which canvased opinion by telephone, then a costly amenity, naturally suffered from adverse selection and yielded inaccurate results.)

Eventually, the Deweys sat down for breakfast: "Tell me, Tom," Mrs. Dewey said with a smile, "am I going to Washington or is Harry coming here?"

A passerby noticed a couple of city workers working along the city sidewalks. The man was quite impressed with their hard work, but he couldn't understand what they were doing.

Finally, he approached the workers and asked, "I appreciate how hard you're both working, but what the heck are you doing? It seems that one of you digs a hole, and then the other guy immediately fills it back up again.

One of the city workers explained, "The third guy who plants the trees is off sick today."