The Ten Commandments

Brought Up To Date With Modern Business Practice

Modern unrestricted, laissez-faire capitalism has made the original Ten Commandments obsolete. Here is a new version that incorporates modern business ethics.

1. I am Money thy God, who brought thee out of the house of poverty.

2. Thou shalt have no other priorities beside me.

3. Thou shalt not honor thy promises.

4. Seven days thou shalt work, to get ahead of thy competitors.

5. Ignore thy father and thy mother.

6. Thou shalt murder, but thou shalt be smart about it. Thou shalt skimp on safety for thy workers, and thou shalt not care if they are killed in mine cave-ins or poisoned by industrial chemicals in thy factories.

7. Thou shalt commit adultery, but only with somebody really attractive, or who can advance thy career.

8. Thou shalt steal as much as thou canst, but thou shalt not permit thyself to be caught.

9. Thou shalt commit perjury whenever it is in thy interests.

10. Thou shalt covet thy neighbor's house. Thou shalt covet thy neighbor's wife, and his manservant and maidservant, his SUV and his yacht, and everything that belongs to thy neighbor.