Here we go. To preserve family values, and bring God back into "God Bless America". Who better to defend the US against deceit, dishonesty and disloyalty, who better to foster our core beliefs in morality.

First, for President, that bastion of belief, Newt Gingrich. Perfect candidate. Other people's blowjobs are reprehensible. Immoral. Unbefitting a leader. But his - - - , well, God has blessed him. Conveniently, AFTER the blowjobs. Best of both worlds. His wife has forgiven him, by the way. Come to think of it, it's his ex-wife that was the offended party. Wonder what she thought of it all.

For Vice President, in the truest sense, David Vitter. A perfect "mate" for Gingrich in the political bedrooms. (Watch out for the SecDef, though.) And able to keep a secret, such as who paid for the prostitutes he used. His wife has forgiven him, by the way. Don't believe the very sad and solemn expression on her face, believe him when he tells you that.

For Secretary of Defense, bridging the gay gap, Rev. Ted Haggard. Solves a lot of problems. He's hoping to make retroactive the "don't ask, don't tell" formula. His wife was greatful he wasn't home a lot. A natural PromiseKeeper, hung out with the guys. Really, truly hung out.

Secretary of the Treasury, Randy "Duke" Cunningham. Minor league, in that he may have kept his pecker in his own pants, but truly a wizard in the financial department. "One for me, two for you. Two for me, three for you. Three for me, three for you." All of it taxpayers money.

Secretary of Transportation, Tom DeLay. Another wizard at arranging corporate transportation as well as being an all-'round sleaze. Will be right at home with the others. As a matter of fact, has been right at home with the others.

Secretary of Health and Human Services, Rudy Guiliani. Them swinging doors at Gracey Mansion kept the place ventilated, but couldn't remove the stench. Perfect family values guy for Conservatives.

Ambassador at Large, Jack Abramoff. The ultimate insider, in fact was paying lots of guys to be insider, etc.

Counselor to the President, Monica Lewinsky. Would fit right in with these guys, though Haggard might feel somewhat discriminated against.

Head of the FCC, Jimmy Swaggart. He knows how to use the airwaves, has given the same speech more than George W. Bush.

This is just a start, Conservatives preaching "family values" are providing more and more and more folks all the time for their "honor roll", giving God lots and lots of opportunity to do what He does best, forgive.

And, God knows, they've forgiven themselves.

What a country we could have. All the fun and forgiveness. Pat Robertson would be SO happy.

Arf