and quite a source of amusement for my children is when I engaged the telemarketer by telling them I was so glad they called, that I was so lonely, and would love someone to talk to. No matter what they said I just broke into what a sad and mournful existence I led and how happy I was for them to have saved me from my despair. I must have been convincing because I kept one guy on the phone for about 10 minutes. He had to have figured he had a sure hook.

I've also done the "keep em on the phone" thing but I don't just let it lay. I'll keep getting back on saying "Hold on, something's boiling over." or something else while we're all sitting there laughing at the idiot. Usually I'll do that in a hick accent.

I've played like I had Alzheimer's. I've pretended to speak just broken English.

One funeral home called and I kept asking the person if I could get a discount if I killed myself right then and there and described in detail the various methods I might employ.

All in all I despise telemarketers. I've been way down on my luck before in life but never would I have ever considered intruding into people's privacy over the phone to try to sell them something. I'd rather dig ditches or mop floors than to lower myself to the level of a leech. Now if any of you have ever done that for a living and I just offended you, consider yourself lucky that you never called my house. I've done far worse.

Art