Black hole - where all the lessons of history go upon the inauguration of a Conservative president.

Dark matter - A Conservative's soul. More concretely, oil.

Dark energy - Visible during a CAT scan of George Bush or Dick Cheney thinking, most evident when thinking about dark matter.

Standard model - 1: Kill everyone who doesn't like you and whoever is left will like you. A: It is as good to be feared as liked. B: It is more fun to be feared than liked. C. Anyone who likes you is a fool, and should be treated as such.

2: Kill their relatives, too, because they will grow up to not like you. A: Collateral damage is good damage. B: There is no such thing as an innocent victim - they are all potential enemies. C: It's not torture if they live. D: If they don't live they would have died anyway, and it doesn't matter.

Relativity - the good and evil in the world all balance out. I am good, and you are evil. Nothing I do is bad, and nothing you do is good unless it is for my benefit.

Parity - Hooray for me and the hell with you, for starters. That's the way God wants it to be. Anything else is unequal and unfair.

Arf