You're definitely lost
Totally, irretrievably, unalterably, lost.
But there's hope. We're starting an HZAA. It's a 12-step program to break yourself of having HZ at the top of your must-check list.
Step 1. Turn yourself over to a Higher Power. Homeland Security comes to mind.
Step 2. Fix yourself a pitcher of martinis.
and so it goes...