Child On White House Tour Momentarily Seizes Control Of Nation

October 31, 2007 | Issue 43•44

WASHINGTON, DC—In an event unprecedented in American history, Brandon Myers, a relatively obscure Iowa 10-year-old with no previous experience in domestic politics, took advantage of a clear leadership void and seized control of the United States Tuesday after he slipped away from his White House tour group and locked himself in the Oval Office.

The bloodless coup occurred when Myers, a fifth-grader at Mulberry Elementary School, stormed into the empty office and seated himself at the president's desk, thereby toppling the world's longest-running democracy. Myers spent much of his reign, which lasted from approximately 2:00 p.m. to 2:15 p.m., spinning in circles in the president's chair before proclaiming that he was "President Brandon" with a handwritten decree scrawled in cursive on White House stationery.

The full, bloodless story here:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/69031

"He knew about the three branches of government, and he understood how a bill becomes a law—that's when I knew he was serious," said the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Adm. Michael Mullen, who claimed Myers called the Pentagon more than 40 times on the president's direct line, using different voices before hanging up. "While it was certainly unorthodox when he ordered us to use our most awesome tanks to invade 'someplace' but would not say specifically where, the military functions by following orders."

Added Mullen: "That boy is the commander in chief, after all."