She's got a doctorate in biology. She's written a children's book explaining radiation -- accurately. She can handle the real, modern world just fine.

Years ago, she and her family were my neighbors. None of their family ever tried to pressure any of my family into converting or conforming to their behavioral codes. I wore halter tops out in the yard and nobody objected. On the other hand, unlike some other neighbors, when their kids were at our house, I made a point not to serve pork.

If a congregation were building a large synagogue or a large mandir in the same place as the proposed mosque, no one would bat an eye.

Not all Muslims are defined by Muslims who cling to a violent past, any more than all Christians cling to the Crusader heritage.

Incidentally, here's what ultra-orthodox Jews have been up to in suburban Jerusalem. Does this mean all orthodox, or even ultra-orthodox, Jews throw rocks at women who don't dress according to their rules? Of course not.

It's about mutual respect. Some Muslims don't respect Westerners. Not all Muslims adhere to that model. Most don't, like my former neighbors. It's a mistake to allow the extremists to define the group, for them or for us. When those outside the group attack the group, it makes it more difficult for those inside the group to criticize the louder, more extreme fellow members.

In high school, we did a one-act play in which one character spoke up and said, "They said I was a thief. Hate to disappoint them." He recited a whole list of criminal behavior, ending with murder. "Hate to disappoint them." The whole idea is to give support to behavior we can live with, and to show what we're about by our behavior. We are about freedom of religion, for them, for us, and for everyone.

For members of other groups who are about only their own freedom of religion, we can remember our own Puritans. They sought freedom for themselves, but they hung Quakers and drove their own dissenters out. They only became the heart of the independence movement, the New England of 1774, leaders on the path of self-determination in history, when they stopped doing that stuff.