Energy - Paris Hilton. Who else?

State - Britney Spears. Who else is as good at managing negotiators? Deputy Secretary of State - Prime Minister of Israel.

Health and Human Services - The Rolling Stones. Absolutely top-notch when it comes to staying alive in a world polluted with many different substances.

Defense - Divide into two. For external defence, Elmer Fudd. Chairman of the JCS - The Roadrunner. Both bring love of country and a strong sense of activism to the job. For the use against American citizens simply subcontract to Blackwater.

Justice - Alberto Gonzalez. He got a bad rap last time, has learned his lesson. Besides he's loyal and will do anything asked of him.

Homeland Security - Whoever is president of Blackwater at the time.

National Security Advisor - Subcontract to Halliburton.

And following through on the Republican dream of limiting government, abolish the rest of the posts. Education is best left to those with an interest in kids, Transportation is hopelessly FUBAR, no one cares about the Postmaster General, use email, Labor is unnecessary in a globalized, minimum-wage world. Commerce is being handled very nicely by large corporations, thank you, and needs no governmental interference.

Etc.