I was raised in central New York State....starting out in an idyllic setting. Or was it because I was young and I saw things from a childs' view?
I am of the notion that if you want something badly enough , anything is possible. Ya need the 'want tos'. My 'want tos' have always been abstract and intanigible. I am a seeker of understanding. I will never blaze any trails. Don't want to. Others can if they choose. That is their *want to*. I want to *know* humanity....in all her glory, and in all her ugly. I choose to not hide from life.( my perception of it) I embrace all that she has to offer. I do not water or snow ski. I don't do parties. I do not want a gaggle of friends. I do not need this. I participate with listening and observing. I am an extreme loner because my listening and observing exhausts me. I need alot of time by myself to examine what I witness. To understand. This is who I am. I do not require laws to live by a moral code. I am my own moral code. I quite simply live by the Golden Rule. All else falls into place quite nicely. I am able to walk my talk. I say what I mean, and mean what I say. What you see is what you get with me. No hidden agenda. I do the best I know how until I learn a better way. Everyone will know when I learn that better way, because they will benefit. I let the Universe speak. I listen. I do not have all the answers...but I seek answers....and sometimes I do not even know what questions to ask. I am like an open window...I take it all in. I have to learn to close the window more often.....because it can be quite overwhelming. I have a propensity to verbalize feelings...especially now because I do not overeat to hide my feelings. Sometimes I am a raw wound...vulnerable as a newborn kitten. Sometimes I am a lioness....and I leap forward in anticipation of the unknown...unfettered.

I am about working for what I want....working hard. I am about independance.... the answers are there within me..All answers....My answers. I feel anyone can overcome any odds [ if I don't go within I go without.]
I grew up poor as a church mouse. I never did go hungry though. Even when all we had in the house was 1 hotdog (My mothers' recollection...she gave it to my brother because he had football practice and needed sustainence) I had 4 outfits in high school, until I went to work at my local hospital as a nurses' aide and was able to purchase. I was selfish though. Looking back, I wish I had helped Dad by buying groceries now and again. {I did help him and Mom though when he was laid off in the early 90's....}
My father owed everyone. He was a TV repairman. A good man...but a broken man. His idea of success was about how much money he could make and he made very little.

Mom...heh...Mom...~sigh~ My Mother has always enjoyed her handicaps. It allows her, her [innate] teflon persoanality to nurture itself. She will ask me what something is (she is legally blind) and I almost always fire back..." Touch it..feel it...I will not let you get hurt...figure it out". 'She snarks back.."It would be easier if you just told me!!!". 'Yes Mom it would."

I enjoyed teaching my friends how to do things. Still do...but is NOT the easy way out. It is the harder way. I have always revelled in the feeling of accomplishment...and I assumed everyone else did. I was a tutor in school from 2nd grade on.
I was a scruffy little shit growing up. I was the protector of the down-trodden. The ones who could not speak for themselves or who wouldn't. My youngest brother was my pet project in this area of my expertise. I was the defender of Kevin. Nobody fucked with him because they knew I would kick their ass. Defending myself?...heh...barely. I sucked at *that*...still do. Old habits die hard. ..or is it innate?

I loved to teach my children when they were young. Self reliance is self-esteem building. They are grown now..and they must find their own way. I grow weary though...I am a bonafide enabler with them...that *IS* the easy way out. Damn!...I have to work on that more. All rules go out the window when it comes to my children. Yeah well.
I love humanity. I am a Republican....the two concepts dwell within me harmoniously for now. I was born this way I believe. I do the best I can...until I find a better way...but I have to find it by myself. Republican is more than a political party for me. It is a *way* to do things....right, wrong or indifferent. I feel the same way about Liberals. It is a *way* to accomplish hopes and dreams. I wish we could all *accomplish* together....because ultimately I think we all want the same things.

I will let you know when I find a better way...not easier...better....for me, myself and I.
In the mean time, I observe and listen here on the Zone.

I am grateful for all that you Zoners have to say...I am in a constant state of learning...until the day I cross over.

...and I learn...from you.