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UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENT
DEPARTMENT OF THE TREASURY
BANK, AUTO & A.I.G. BAILOUT SECTION
THE PEOPLES' ADVOCATE

BULLETIN TO EXECUTIVES AND MANAGERS OF BAILOUTS
Dear EMBs,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the Government's interference in the mortgage markets since the early 1990's, and the resulting bubble in housing prices, bubble burst, financial meltdown, slowdown in the economy, massive government bailouts, and enormous budget deficits, your new Government has decided that EMBs (Executives and Managers of Bailout recipients) who make more than $250,000, and are 40 years of age and above, will take early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

EMBs selected to be RAPED can apply to the Treasury Department to be considered for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).

EMBs who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired-Early Workers).

EMBs may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many
times as your new Government deems appropriate.

EMBs who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously EMBs who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by your new Government.

EMBs who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.

Your new Government is proud of the amount of SHIT it can and will give EMBs. Should you feel you have not received enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of Rep. Barney Frank, Rep. Maxine Waters and Sen. Chris Dodd. All of them have been specially trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Sincerely,

Karl Marx,
The Peoples' Advocate
Spiritual Advisor to the President of the U.S.A.

PS. Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas
and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of
the Tunnel has been turned off. We apologize for the inconvenience.