When we married 19 years ago, she told me in explicit detail exactly what she'd do to me if she ever caught me fooling around. Remember, this was years before anyone had heard of Lorenna Bobbit. That Christmas, I got her the gift she asked for - a set of knives. Over the years, she has embellished the threat to include stir fry, complete with soy sauce. Never piss off a Filipina!

When my youngest stepson got married 3 years ago, I gave his bride a set of knives and told her the story in his presence. He has been warned and she has been armed.

Thank goodness for our "look but don't touch" policy, and I'm doubly thankful for peripheral vision!