Since many here have teenagers at home I thought I'd offer this as a public service.

How to tell if your teen is a terrorist in the making...

— When exposed to half naked pop tarts on television, he snarls and says, "She will be punished when Islamic Law is established."

— While you're filling up the tank, he sits sullenly in the backseat and says, "The oil rightly belongs to the descendents of the Prophet. You will suffer a million deaths, infidel."

— Angrily attacks bacon-cheeseburger cardboard promotional sign on Wendy's counter.

— Insists he isn't shaving due to Allah's command, even though you can't see any evidence of a beard.

— Rants about "72 black-eyed virgins" whenever you ask why he's not interested in girls.

— Buys a burqa for his sister off eBay. Tries to kill her when she won't wear it.

— Begs for flight lessons while the other kids are going to driving school.

— Won't gargle with Listerine, due to the alcohol content.

— Denounces all Christian and Jewish winter holidays, but still asks for a gift subscription to Al Jazeera on the Dish Network.

— Always volunteers to fertilize the lawn; lawn is dead.

— Calls the paper the "Jew York Times."

— Watches the movie "Airplane" and wonders aloud why a guy named Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was in the cockpit yet didn't fly the jet into a building.

— Also hates Muhammad Ali for no apparent reason.

— Issues several fatwas from family's AOL e-mail address.

— Volunteers as a janitor at the university medical center's radiology clinic. Always the last to leave.

— Wants to skip school to "get an autograph" from Salman Rushdie at the local Barnes & Noble.

— Has used all the paper towels and flour to make a George W. Bush effigy, which he's burning on the front lawn.

— No longer answers to Joey. Now it's Abdullah al Muhajir.

— Has absolutely no interest in anything beyond next month.

-phil