<stupid lawsuits:

An inmate in Tennessee, Gary Bradford Cone, is suing the state because they have taken away his "right" to possess pornography. (A new state law does not allow it.) Cone is on Death Row.

Kara Walton sued a nightclub after she fell out of a bathroom window and had her two front teeth knocked out. She won $12,000 plus dental expenses. She fell from the window, which she was using to sneak into the club to avoid the $3.50 cover charge.

A 27-year-old man was killed while rocking a vending machine that tipped over on him. The man was attempting to steal a drink out of the machine. Relatives in New York are suing for $400,000 in damages.

Erica Bailey, 21, is suing for $1.5 million after the child she was babysitting hit her in the throat. Bailey claimed she could not live a normal life with her new, hoarse voice.

A convicted killer serving time in Florida has sued the state because lightning knocked out the prison's satellite-television service. The inmate must now watch network television programs, which he claims often contain profanity, violence, and other offensive material.

A restaurant in Philadelphia was sued after Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, slipped and broke her coccyx on a beverage that had been spilled on the floor. She was awarded $113,500. Not bad, considering she had thrown the drink at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier, during an argument.

Dorothy Johnson sued Kenmore Inc. for the death of her dog. After washing the poodle, she placed it in her Kenmore microwave, "just a few minutes, on low," to dry it off. The case was dismissed.

A New York prison inmate is filing a suit for $8 million against the state after he accidentally shot himself with a gun he illegally smuggled into the penitentiary. The inmate says that better security would have prevented him from getting the weapon inside.

Six nurses who worked at a facility for the disabled were fired after refusing to comply with new countywide rules that required them to give patients sexual assistance, such as helping them with masturbation or putting on a condom. The nurses have filed a lawsuit.

An Arizona woman, Michele Nations, was walking through a park when she stumbled on a gopher hole, tripped, and sprained her ankle. She sued the city for failing to post a warning that such hazards might exist in the park. She won $450,000.

A Canadian man is suing a New York coffee shop after suffering what he calls damage to his manhood. His penis was pinched between the toilet seat and bowl when he reached forward for toilet paper. He is asking for $1 million to compensate for his "dire and permanent" injuries. His wife is also suing for $500,000, claiming her husband cannot perform his marital duties.

Jefferson Ketcham's family is suing Cobb's Inn and a waiter there, Paul Kane, over Ketcham's death. The family is claiming that Kane was negligent, because, after he gave the intoxicated man a ride home, Ketcham tripped, hit his head, and died. The family says Kane should have walked Ketcham to the door.

Dan