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Strange laws pave a bumpy road around U.S.

BY LIZ JOHNSON

Features Editor

Perhaps it's the torrid nudity that is the cause for arrest.

Or maybe it's the strange things people do with bubbles that make it a crime.

On either account -- showering naked is illegal in Florida.

It's 1999, and people are living in a supposedly sophisticated culture. However, despite the years of struggle for legal civil rights, there are still laws that baffle the mind with their lunacy and stupidity.

Some of the statutes are simply old laws that have no real meaning in today's culture, like Tucson, Arizona's law against women wearing pants. The only reason they still exist is that new legislatures have never repealed them.

But other laws seem to be just as much of a mystery now as they ever were.

Since so many university students are heading off to Spring Break this weekend, a warning about possible strange laws they could encounter, especially those that make no sense, will probably be a helpful travel guide.

Ignorance of the law is no excuse.

The weird law tour begins in the Northeast, for students who will either be staying at home or just traveling around the area.

Delaware, unlike many other states, doesn't have too many useless laws on its books.

Still, they do exist. In Delaware, it's illegal to fly over any body of water, unless the plane is carrying adequate water and food supplies.

And people in Lewes, Del., should stick to baggy attire -- wearing pants that are form fitting around the waist could get them hauled to the slammer for a night.

Pennsylvania has a few strange laws too. Students driving home at night along a country road have to stop once every mile, send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for livestock to clear the road and then continue on their way.

Students flying home to Maine should stay seated while the seat belt sign is on, because it's illegal to step out of a plane in flight. It's unclear how this would be prosecuted, since the odds are good that anyone who stepped out of a moving plane would be dead, but it's still illegal.

On pit stops in New Hampshire, students should check the bathroom windows before unzipping. It's against state law to pee while looking up, but only on Sundays.

Moving south, where the lure of sunshine and warm weather is calling students from all over the country, there is a whole new world of useless legislature to encounter.

On the drive down, if students should happen to stop in Baltimore to take in a movie, they must be sure not to bring a lion into the theater, or they might be spending the night with it in jail.

Students touring through West Virginia should refrain from having sex with animals that weigh over 40 pounds -- that's illegal too. Under 40 is OK, though.

If passengers get really bored on the ride, they might start imitating Madonna to pass the time. But they must be sure the vocalist has a good voice, because singing off-key is against the law in North Carolina.

Once people make it to Florida, in addition to not showering naked, they must remember not to fart in a public place after 6 p.m. on Thursdays. Private places are legal and any other day but Thursday is OK too.

Although California is often regarded as a liberal state, a kind of place where anything goes, it also has some hidden dangers.

Given that Hollywood Boulevard is a popular tourist destination, students should be warned that it's illegal to drive more than 2,000 sheep down it at one time.

And if their cars get dirty while they're driving down the steep hills in San Francisco, they can't wipe it off with used underwear -- that could result in a hefty fine.

If vacationing in rainy but youth-dominated Seattle, don't stop for a lollipop. They're banned within city limits.

And couples catching some private time in snowy Colorado need to be careful, too. In Logan County, it's against the law for a man to kiss a woman while she's asleep.

Montana has the weirdest law in all of the land. It's illegal to have a sheep in the cab of a truck without a chaperone.

So before that hot date, the driver has to make sure the mom sheep gets to ride along, or a state trooper will pull the truck over.

Rounding out the country tour will be the heartland and the Midwest.

Students into heavy drinking should go down to Kentucky because in that state, a person is considered sober until he or she cannot hold on to the ground.

People who enjoy acting should avoid imitating Mike Tyson by biting anyone in Louisiana, especially if fake teeth are involved. Biting someone with natural teeth is simple assault, but biting with false teeth is considered aggravated assault.

Practical jokers also need to watch their step. If a fake moustache is worn to church in Alabama and makes anyone laugh, the law has been broken.

And for intrepid hunters, one last word of warning. As much as it's considered honorable to have a stuffed camel head on the wall of a den, they must restrain the urge, because hunting camels is absolutely illegal in Arizona.

Hopefully knowing the laws will shed some light on Spring Break destinations. It's important to be aware of the law, even if all anyone wants to do on vacation is have a little fun.

No one seems to be quite sure why these laws are still hanging around, but while they are, they are still enforceable, more or less.