I'm developing some curtains with lead fibers which will absorb and harmlessly intercept 87.3% of the harmful radiation from an event such as you describe.

Because of the limited resources which will be available after such a catastrophe, and it will be a catastrophe, I am only selling these to one family on every block in order for each family to have a reasonable quality of life. If everyone survived, unfortunately there would be widespread starvation.

Additonally, with each set of curtains we will include a pair of glasses made of lead crystal, which will prevent your eyes from being burned out by the radiation. We want you to not only survive the radiation, but not be blinded by it.

And if you order now within the next ten days, with each room of curtains we will include 3 Super Giant Roach Hotels complete with our exclusive recipe book to ensure a steady supply of food for your family and easy, tasty ways to prepare healthy, nutritious meals.

As with all our products, if you are not completely satisfied, if the curtains do not absorb AT LEAST 87.3% of the supernova radiation, if you go blind, or if your Super Giant Roach Hotels won't supply you and your family with the nutrition you need, we will give you double your money back. No questions asked, just return the unused portions to us and your check will be on it's way.

How much you ask? Well, because we are only selling to one house on each block, we can offer you a special financing package.

Only $49.95 per curtain, plus $69.95 shipping and handling. They are heavy. We will ship you one curtain, one pair of glasses, and three Super Giant Roach Hotels each month until every window in your house is cpmpletely sheltered, and you can rest assured the next supernova won't get you. We'd suggest you start with bedrooms first.

Etc.

Arf