"Excuse me if I seem to be missing something, but it doesn't sound like your life has exactly been a total waste in the space department. Hell, I've never even been to the Cape in my life. In fact, if you look at your list, you might notice that very few of these activities are totally precluded by holding down a "mundane" job."

Well, I didn't say it was a total waste - I do have a number of souvenir scrapbooks that I can bore friends and relatives with. And I will admit that much of that was on my own tab, such as the trip to UNISPACE in Vienna, Space Camp, ISU, STAIF and the VLA, and so forth. Nearly bankrupted myself in the process.

"I've worked for three private space companies, and watched all three sink under me. But I don't consider the time I spent wasted, and I did a lot of time working other places while I waited for the next opportunity to come along."

See, I don't really see that as developing a career. I've already been temping while I actively conducted my job search.

"And if you keep your eyes open, your resume' circulating, and your self at conferences and space gatherings that you can manage to get to, it might. Don't overlook the small outfits...they don't hire often, but they do hire. And they are a lot more fun to work for than NASA or Boeing. It's also worth noting that I did some of my best work in my spare time, for space outfits who couldn't afford to pay me, while working elsewhere."

No, the coup de grace came today when I checked the NASA website and my last desperate hope, a Policy Analyst position in OSF, was cancelled, three months after they stopped accepting applications. This is actually a terribly ironic story. The application period ended Oct. 9th. By Thanksgiving, the AAA still hadn't gotten the resumes from HR. She had, however, gotten a cover letter from me, as well as glowing recommendations from professional associates (the Program Head of the NASA Academy, who's a personal friend of hers, and the North American representative for ISU, another close acquaintance). I knew I was in trouble when she didn't bother to return my phone call in December. I got one of those Secretary manoeuvres where the secretary sees the person, says "Hold a moment", then comes back a minute later and says "I'm sorry, she's out of the office at the moment...". And today, more than three months later, the position is cancelled.

I've tried all manner of companies, big and small. The pile of applications is rather large, and includes such distinguished names as Orbital Sciences (Financial Analyst), MDR/Dynacs (Biz Dev), Intospace (ISS Marketing Manager), SES Astra (a weird position involving public filings with the SEC), Beos (ISS Commercialisation), JPL (Int'l & Legislative Affairs), Sirius (orbit analyst - hey, I do orbital mechanics), SpaceHab (ISS Commercialisation), SpaceDev (trying to work a contact I'd made on the MSR project at Boeing), LockMart (Financial Analyst), Astrium, Boeing (Strategic Analyst, Financial Analyst), ISU (Biz Dev), Space.com, Booz, Allen & Hamilton (consultant) and on and on and on.

"In other words, you're not nearly as "out of here" as you think."

Oh yeah I am. All the space experience has been excised from my resume. It was the only way to get any respect in the financial field. I've already heard my fair share of rocket scientist jokes (although they love my ability to puzzle out complex problems quickly and efficiently).

Morally, I have to ask myself "To what extent can I be an advocate for a field in which I see so many systemic problems?". I'm just stunned that there is no place in the space industry for someone with my aptitudes, skills and capabilities, seemingly just by virtue of the absence of a "technical" background (even though I cum lauded with engineers at ISU).

No, I'm sorry MM. Brosz and Samorodin. I've dallied enough, I have to start building my career. Soon, I'll be able to afford a car. In a couple years my debts will be extinguished. Perhaps I can even start thinking of things like starting a family, and even visiting some more of this wonderful world of ours.

A dieu,
ken