---Burger King coffee (called "Joe") comes in three strengths: Regular, Decaf, and Turbo. The graphic accompanying it is three eyes: a closed one for Decaf, a half-open one for Regular, and a fully open bulging one for Turbo. The pupil on the "turbo" eye is at least twice the size of the pupil on the "regular eye." The coffee machine at the restaurant says you have to ask at the counter for Turbo.

Okay, what's in that stuff, really?

For the record, the regular coffee is pretty good.

---Burger King has a veggieburger. (Fast food places go out of their way to cater to more nutritionally-minded folks, now, and the McDonalds fruit and walnut salad is a particular favorite of mine.) The sign for the veggieburger says, "now with soy protein."

Wait a minute. What the hell else do you make non-meat burgers out of other than soy protein?

---Anybody else completely creeped out by that rigidly-masked "King" character in the Burger King commercials?