Tonight I will be firmly addressing dinner with "Fair Fa yer honest sonsie face, great chieftain o the pudden race".
alas, it will be a chicken breast, probably curried, but the spirit is there. :-)

And in the spirit of your post.......

My all time fave:
A Scotsman clad in a kilt walks up to the counter in an Apothecary. From his pocket he takes a plaid condom that has been heavily used, torn, patched, sewn, and is currently split down one side. He asks the proprietor, "How much to replace this, Ian?" The proprietor says, "Why, Angus, that'll be four pence." Then the Scotsman asks, "How much to repair?" The prop. looks the condom over carefully, and says, "Three pence to repair." The Scotsman ponders for a moment, then says, "I'll be back." Later in the day, the Scotsman returns with a smile on his face and says, "Ian, the Regiment has voted to repair!"

and a new one on me:
Three men: one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, were out walking along the beach together one day. They came across a lantern, and a Genie popped out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total", said the Genie.
The Irishman said, "I am a fisherman, my Da' was a fisherman before me. His Da' was a fisherman before him, and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full o' fish for all eternity." So, with a blink of the Genie's eye "FOOM" the oceans were teeming with fish.
The Englishman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that no one will get in for all eternity.
Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye "POOF" there was a huge wall around England.
The Scot asked, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explained, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out."
The Scot said, "Fill it up with water."