And I'm not being facetious, I do understand it is sincere. Thank you.

But the truth is that I lack the motivation. I simply do not get my jollies that way any more, at least not enough to pursue it systematically. I know perfectly well that if this forum goes down, for any reason, or even if my internet connection goes away for any reason, my writing days are over.

I know if my antique and underpowered computer craps out, I have no plans whatsoever to replace it. I may have to change my mind in the future, since the net has become such an indispensable utility (I even broke down and got a basic cell phone a few years back, I was forced to for business reasons.) But in general, I simply am not interested in "keeping up". I do not look forward to learning a new operating system. I loathe the very idea of having to do so just so I can pay my bills or talk to my friends. The Zone is my last contact with the external world, other than broadcast network news and PBS. And although I enjoy the Zone and the net, I feel no need to perpetuate or replace them if either should die a natural death.

There is an entire universe inside me I have been neglecting, mostly because of the distractions bombarding me through the ether. I have been spending a lot of time there lately, and I am amazed at what I have been missing. I am exploring my own mind, my own memories, my own history. I'm seeing connections and forces I'd missed while I was actually living those experiences. And I'm revising, or filling out, many of my old prejudices. I am gradually coming to understand myself, and my place in the cosmos. Or perhaps I should say, all the different overlapping and often contradictory universes I simultaneously inhabit. One of the most colossal insights I have achieved so far is that there is more than one, they are separate, but connected. There are an infinite number of nested universes, even in my tiny, limited multiverse.

Maybe I'm withdrawing, become a hermit, drawing the world in around me. Or maybe I'm just starting to see things clearly and distinctly for the first time. I read few new books any more, or see new movies, or listen to new music. I prefer stuff I'm already familiar with. I don't totally ignore new things, I just don't breathlessly pursue the latest fashion like I used to. I can see now most of it is still the same old rehash, not much really new under the sun. Only science seems to be going anywhere, but I can no longer follow it, my educational background isn't deep enough to allow me to keep up with the latest developments, except at the shallowest Sunday supplement, supermarket tabloid level. Dark Matter and Energy, cosmic inflation, the genetic chemistry of the cellular nucleus and protein metabolism, all that is gibberish anymore. I just don't have the math to keep up. I used to think the world could be fully described by systems of differential equations. Now I know I was dead wrong. I wasn't even close.

Re-reading these remarks, I can see how they might be interpreted as self-limiting, sad, even pathetic. An old man withdrawing into himself, giving up the world, and giving up on it. And you know what? I don't care.
I'm entitled to operate my brain as I see fit, and not to have to make excuses to anyone else.

As Bob Dylan once wrote; "I'd rather design harmonica holders than discuss Aztec anthropology." For the first time in my life, I understand exactly what he means.