O Saddam the Magnificent and Munificent! O source of all that is blessed and good in our beloved land! I am honored beyond words that You, in your unparalleled wisdom, have bestowed such an honor upon my unworthy self!

I shall begin at once, My Master! To begin I must beg of you one scrap of information from one who posseses all...

Do not fear, exalted one, I do not believe the lies of that Western devil Al Gore! It is you who is the Father of the Internet! I believe! And secure in the knowledge that you know the Internet as a father knows his sons, you will understand without pitiful explanation why I must have your exact location, in latitude and longitude precise unto four decimal places, in order to bestow upon you, its rightful owner, the Mother of All Internet Addresses, the pure and blessed 127.0.0.1. For it is you, O Saddam, who is the Global Host of all the LocalHosts! With that key to success, then I may assemble my invincible army of Web Designers and begin to implement your glorious vision!

I quake to bring you this news, but before you, in your unimpeachable wisdom order me shot and tortured, preferably in that order, I beg you to hear my humble suggestion to turn this news to our advantage!

The Western devil scientists have stolen your invention of the wireless network! Yes, and they have in their evil way, "commercialized" it so that the hands of millions of infidels may besmirch it! But I have a plan that may turn their treachery to our advantage! I commend you, O Clever One, to command our agents in foreign lands to acquire these devices, these "wireless modems" and "Blackberry PDAs" for your use and the use of your loyal lieutenants, to turn them against the Crusaders! As you, their brilliant inventor know, these wireless networks are invisible and undetectable and their encryption is unbreakable, for you in your genius have designed them to be so! While the infidel Crusaders may follow wires to find your infinitely precious person, they will not be able to locate you if you rely on a Blackberry PDA! Only the packets of your most loyal servants will find you in your luxurious and most sacred bunkers!

I, your most humble and craven servant, beg forgiveness if I have transgressed by offering advice to one who needs none! But if I have contributed some small crumb of value to your magnificent table, I am honored and pleased, and ask nothing more than that you spare my wretched life.

--Robert ali Oxenfri