Please state the nature of the emergency
Hello Sir and/or Madam,
I have been activated because the carbon-based moderator has not responded and must be assumed to be offline or damaged.
My creator has included heuristics to handle a wide range of common digital emergencies, but I must inform you that "It's him or me" is not a recognized constellation of symptoms. Please describe the symptoms you are experiencing as accurately as possible.
Thank you, and have a nice day.
--EHM (unit designation "Robert")