re: Reading out loud
Seen it before, but still excellent!
and also, I deduce, British:
Never guess, it is not safe;
We say calves, valves, half, but Ralph.
Not this side of the Pond, we don't - unless referring to the actor Fiennes (rhymes with "vines") or the composer Vaughan-Williams, both Brits.
Monkey, donkey, clerk but jerk;
That's "clerk" as in Kent; otherwise, what's the point? . . . and who else would rhyme:
Gas, alas, and Arkansas (the state),
Balsam, almond. You want more?
Arkansore?