August 20, 2007: Washington, DC (AP)

Congress today announced that the
office of President of the United States of America will be outsourced
to India as of July 1, 2007. The move is being made in order to save
the President's $500,000 yearly salary, and also a record $521 Billion
in deficit expenditures and related overhead that the office has
incurred during the last 5 years. "We believe this is a wise financial
move. The cost savings are huge," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds
(R-WA). "We cannot remain competitive on the world stage with the
current level of cash outlay," Reynolds noted.

Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will assume the
office of President as of July 1, 2007. Mr. Singh was born in the
United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara
Falls, NY, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a
salary of $320 (USD) a month, but no health coverage or other benefits.

It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference
between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night. "Working nights
will allow me to keep my day job at the Dell Computer call center," stated
Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this position.
I always hoped I would be President." A Congressional spokesperson
noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues
involved in the office of President, this should not be a problem as
President Bush had never been familiar with the issues either.

Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond
effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he
can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying
issue at all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the
spokesperson. "President Bush has used them successfully for years,
with the result that some people actually thought he knew what he was
talking about."

Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his
final day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will
be eligible for $140 a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he
will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will
exceed the allowed limit. Mr. Bush has been provided with the
outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and
prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, Mr.
Bush may have difficulties in securing a new position due to a lack of
any successful work experience during his lifetime. A Greeter position
at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush's extensive experience at shaking
hands, as well as his special smile.