Uh Tom, psst.
In a normal love relationship or marriage, it HELPS to be selfless and care mostly about your partner.
But....psst. If that person is an incurable addictive personality and they refuse intervention, or counseling and YOU are the one crumbling, then you should be the FIRST to get out.
No use getting run over by a train.

And Daren, your post was therapeutic in itself. I hope your wife is finding herself. Addiction with anything is self-destructive to families and loved ones. Especially if it develops after the fact.

Thankfully I have no addictions and the ones that tempt me, I have finally mastered.